Tip #1
Making a big decision is a process, not an event. If you are feeling overwhelmed and confused, it may be because you don't have enough information. Forcing change prematurely can lead to despair and regret later. Take a deep breath and relax. Gather evidence until you know the truth.
Tip #2
Only you know the truth. Looking for answers from anywhere but inside yourself will be fruitless and frustrating. However, having a wise person listen and question some of the scary stories you are telling yourself can be very helpful. A good coach is perfect for this as they have no agenda other than helping you find what is best for you and your situation. Sometimes without a compassionate coach to guide us, we can end up asking ourselves the same questions or unhelpful questions that keep us circling the drain.
Tip #3
Hidden Obstacles. Often we can't make a decision because something we are completely unaware of has a death grip on our forward momentum. Here are the three most common causes of staying stuck:
Perfectionsim
Wanting to make the "perfect" choice holds us back from making any choice at all. An informed decision always leads to somewhere better. The destination may be different from our original plan, but it will be a whole lot better than being stuck, sick, and miserable. Doors open, new adventures begin, magic happens!
People Pleasing
Choosing to stay in an unhappy situation to please others never works out well for anyone. Resentment builds, and when the truth finally does come out, it isn't pretty. Our loved ones will always be happier when we are.
Fear
"The Bag Lady Fear" is one we all share, even men. Thank your fear for trying to keep you safe, and then move forward anyway. Elizabeth Gilbert says about fear:
"Your fear is not special, it's the most boring thing about you (and me). Your creativity & passion are special! Don't listen to fear. Onward!"
Tip #4
Don't rely solely on "thinking" about your decision. Try experiencing it through your body instead. The verbal mind only processes 40 bits of information per second while the body processes 11 million bits per second. In comparison to the body, our mind is sluggish, fickle, unreliable, driven by ego, and changes from moment to moment.
Instead of "thinking" about your decision, try this 1-minute experiment as taught to me by Martha Beck:
1. Sit quietly for a few moments, take in some nice deep breaths. Close your eyes. Feel your feet on the floor.
2. Think of something or someone who isn't good for you.
3. Notice your body's reaction to this person or thing. (You might feel a tightening in your gut, chest, or throat.)
4. Next, think of someone or something you absolutely love.
7. Now observe your body's reaction. It will feel wildly different. You might feel lighter, expansive, or some warmth in your chest near your heart.
These bodily reactions are your truth. Check how your body feels about each decision you are considering.
Our bodies will never lie or steer us wrong. It is our own personal, portable bullsh*t detector. The more we access it for decision-making, the louder and clearer the feedback becomes.
From people, to jobs, to food, the body knows the absolute truth of what is good for us. Get quiet and listen with your body.
Ultimately, the body wins in the end anyway.
When we don't listen to the early signs of distress, a twinge in the neck, for example, a loss of energy, the body may continue to yell louder until we get headaches, stomachaches, and increasingly more serious stress-related diseases.
Unfortunately, I learned this the hard way. I was so focused on what my thinking brain was telling me I should do,"Take more Tylenol! Work harder!" and so completely adept at ignoring the painful messages coming from my body that I literally almost died of a brain tumor.
If you don't yet have the guts to go for your dream, it might be helpful to remember that the number one regret of dying people is this:
"I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me."
Tip#5
Seek Support. Big decisions take a lot of energy. You might feel exhausted from trying to push forward. Take rests. Be kind to yourself. There is a way through this, but in the beginning stages it can feel dark and scary. You are not alone, and you are enough. Change is on the horizon, and you can do it.
